This piece was a timed write and it's purpose was to display “othering” from the movie “Rabbit-Proof Fence,” then explain whether it challenged or affirmed my beliefs. This was the obvious choice for a sample of revision, since I couldn't do the paper any favors the first time around. While it did pull some good evidence from the movie and made it's point quickly, the paper skimmed over the second part of the prompt, and didn't really connect the evidence to my views. To fix this, I started by finishing the paper. Before, in my timer-induced panic, I rushed through the last paragraph and wasn't too careful. I abruptly ended the last body paragraph with, “ Some members could be shunned due to lying or unacceptable actions” but in the revision I tied things up with, “The overall rule is that meeting the standards grants acceptance, and failing to do so causes exclusion. This basic system is affirmed entirely in “Rabbit-Proof Fence.” Also, finishing the essay was good because it added a much-needed conclusion. Now it's more of a real argument, and less like a hit-and-run English paper.
No comments:
Post a Comment