Critical Thinking: Love Game

Love Game

The media has an interesting view on love. It can be decoded. It can be a fairytale. It can take four issues of US magazine to hear the whole story behind Madonna and Guy Ritchie's break up. Without a doubt, this portrayal of love impacts the view and dynamics of it in America. The media has taken us past traditional relationships by simplifying how they work, changing our standards, and causing them to fall apart.

Pick up a girl's magazine. There's probably some phrase like, “10 Easy Steps to..!” or “7 Ways to Know if...!” plastered across the front cover. The relationship articles in particular affect how we view love. The bold, dazzling titles promise readers tips on everything between getting a guy's attention to knowing if he really likes you. The actual content of these sound like medical warnings or prescriptions; descriptive yet condensed. They inform readers with the same authority of a stroke-prevention pamphlet, only pink-er. It is hard to know how much of this insight is put to use, but it is certain that these messages change America's attitude toward relationships. With a manual, relationships become less personal. Instead of looking for an answer within oneself or learning more about the other person, Seventeen magazine will diagnose the problem. Furthermore, when the personal aspects are covered up, relationships become more superficial. Acting a certain way will start a relationship, acting another way cues it to end, and so on. There are so many scripts and quick-fixes, that complexity and depth are taken out of the equation.

Moving out of the magazines, icons in media influence the American attitude towards love by encouraging people to find someone who is “best” for them. Shows like the Bachelor (and the Bachelorette) revolve around someone finding the perfect spouse out of a pool of contenders. Other media icons, such as celebrities, influence our attitude as well. The presence of this is undeniable. As pointed out by Heather Havrilesky in “Stalking Celebrities,”

In 2007, the massive, multimillion-dollar celebrity gossip industry that was once the passing fancy of People magazine suddenly began firing all pistons, demanding to be fed a steady flow of angry outbursts and meltdowns and breakups and mishaps.

(447)

As soon as such drama occurs, the tabloids follow stars through the entire process: a break up, confessions, recovery, moving on, and discovering a new love. This implies a standard to the lives of normal people, encouraging them to keep looking for their true love. This effect is further amplified by the flourish of online dating. To pull in customers, the websites advertise compatibility matching or show an array of available singles. This plays on the idea that a perfect match is out there, waiting to be selected, and then strengthens that mentality of “shopping around” for a partner. The new standard is basically a self-centered twist on traditional love.

The last major effect the media has on relationships is that it causes them to break. This usually happens to superficial relationships. In some situations, a couple will split because they were not truly connected in the first place. The media paints a picture of how things work, and there are plenty of writers to help singles get there. In “Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating”, Singleton comments on the relationship advice for women, saying,

Fool the hell out of him if you want your shot at the goal, which according to “The Rules,” is a “Leave it to Beaver” marriage with a bread-winner husband, lovely children, fidelity forever, and a yellow brick road.

(354)

People (especially women) are fed these ideas and methods, but even after fooling “the poor worm down the aisle,” they don't really get anywhere; the relationship will always fail in the end (Singleton , 354). Micheal Sangwin, married for 22 years and father of five, commented on the topic in a recent interview, explaining, “there's a disillusionment... three years down the line they 'wake up' and realize, 'I never really loved you!' and everyone wonders why they didn't say so earlier.” In another instance, the media causes couples to fail due to expectations like the ones mentioned earlier. The belief that someone perfect is out there, so if things aren't “working out” then move on. In this case, people expect to find a relationship that works for them instead of working out problems. A woman in her thirties may notice her husband's flaws, and decide she could do better. Wedding vows notwithstanding, she could easily marry into a better lifestyle. So through disillusionment or lack of commitment the media prevents a real connection, and causes couples to split.

Be it through magazines or television icons, the media changes the traditional view of love by hiding it's depth, giving us new standards, and breaking couples apart. Like many things in America, a relationship is simplified and “solved” by the all-knowing magazine writers. Furthermore, people are told that some partners work out better than others, so lives can be improved by looking around and trading up. In the end though, our lessons from the media leave a trail of broken bonds. The tradition of true love is constantly in our sight, but not as straightforward as it used to be.